Of all the animals of prey, man is the only sociable one.
Every one of us preys upon his neighbour, and yet we herd together.
The Beggar's Opera: John Gay

Friday 5 March 2010

Vermin in Westminster - again


What do you do when you've got mice? Get a cat, of course. At least that was the suggestion Lord Elton put forward to deal with a rodent infestation in the Palace of Westminster.

There's a pleasing touch of Schadenfreude in considering that all those expenses-guzzling MPS may be getting a £1,000 pay rise, but they've also got free-range mice in their offices, tea-rooms and subsidised bars.

So last week, Lord Elton asked the Chairman of Committees 'whether consideration will be given to acquiring a number of respectable cats to reduce the rodent population of the Palace of Westminster'.

Not, you will notice, any old moggies or battle-scarred toms - only the best for our ruling elite. Sadly for this picturesque image, Lord Brabazon of Tara was adamant:

The possible use of cats, respectable or otherwise, to control the rodent population in the Palace of Westminster has been considered and rejected on a number of practical grounds. For example, the cats would ingest mouse poison when eating poisoned mice; there would be nothing ...to stop them walking on desks in offices and on tables in restaurants and bars; they can carry fleas and other parasites; and many people are allergic to cat hair.

His Lordship is, I suspect, not a cat-lover. Sadly we are to be denied the delightful concept of cats - honest, decent and beyond reproach - patrolling the corridors of power and removing intrusive vermin, since the problem is to be tackled with poison instead.

I feel there may be some kind of metaphor there.

6 comments:

  1. "What do you do when you've got mice? Get a cat, of course."

    If these scum were really all convinced of the truth of global warming (as they invariably claim), wouldn't they plump for a snake instead?

    Or would Mandelson prefer not to have the competition?

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  2. lol

    Mandelson himself is surely the source of enough poison to solve the problem at a stroke - the difficulty would be getting the mice to eat him.

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  3. I was always told you never suffered from mice and politicians at the same time.

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  4. I always thought you either had mice or politicians, never both at the same time.

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  5. Eh? Bloody Blogger or Google or whatever.

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  6. Interesting thought, Dave H.

    Does it mean that, with an election looming, you'll never be more than ten feet away from a politician?

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