Of all the animals of prey, man is the only sociable one.
Every one of us preys upon his neighbour, and yet we herd together.
The Beggar's Opera: John Gay

Friday, 29 May 2009

Vermin Seeking Ermine

This morning's Guardian presents us with the unedifying but highly entertaining spectacle of 52 Labour MPs (so far) jostling for position in the queue for promotion to the Lords, or as the Artful Dodger put it, rats leaving the the sinking ship for a slightly less rickety one.

As a clear demonstration of their profit-based motives for seeking election, it takes some beating. After all, the lure of a £45 grand allowance for life and a title beats the hell out of continuing an anonymous career of public service at a lesser level, so I suppose it's no wonder that these committed socialists suddenly find themselves among those who 'dearly love a lord'.

And that 52 is without any of the big cheeses, whose places in the lifeboat are virtually guaranteed by their lofty positions in New Labour's hierarchy; imagine if that bunch of principled and high-minded characters had to join the others in the scrum - we'd be picking body parts out of the carpet for weeks.
It seems I need to update the previous post...

Consider Yourself (And the forthcoming media feeding frenzy)

You could find yourself a way,
You could get yourself out of this difficulty;
Forget all your claims and frauds
And get yourself a place in the House of Lords.

It’s not just a gravy train;
You pocketed the whole bloody railway set,
Now you need to get away
Before they find out and make you pay.

If there should chance to be
Adverse publicity
At your duplicity,
Why grouse?
You’ll be sure to find
There’s lots more chaps like you
When you’re in the Upper House.

Consider the ermine robes,
Consider your Lady wife
And the annual allowances and pension perks,
Consider yourself
Made for life.

And this time, for those of a musical turn (and who are not reading this at their desks at work), there's even a karaoke version to sing along to....


  1. We should create another House of Parliament. This should be a big room with a lot of holes on one side for a communal natural activity that normally is daily in effect. This is where all MP's and Lords should go when necessary. They will be attended by all those found to be fiddling their expenses, who will also keep the place clean, if possible. This will be called The Privy Chamber.

  2. Like it, Demetrius; a suitably scatological solution for the MPs who have suddenly found themselves up the proverbial creek.

    Perhaps there should be a system whereby the length of time expenses-fiddlers serve in the chamber is proportional to the extent of their offence - this could then be appropriately termed 'time spent in Purgatory'.