The Sunday Songbook - A tale of two turbines

A few months ago, the incomparable Anna Raccoon wondered whether future generations of schoolchildren would be reciting rhymes about wind turbines.

If so, along with the paeans of praise (should the Green lobby prevail), there would surely be ditties commemorating the memorable failures - 'Red sky at night, turbine's alight' and so on. A news story this week perhaps also deserves to be celebrated in song.

That being so, I'd like to offer this as a possibility...
(And yes, it is our old friend Kirklees Council again)

The council put windmills in Huddersfield town,
A couple of turbines
Up there on the roofline;
From morning to evening they'd spin round and round
Generating power in Huddersfield town.

I saw a turbine,
Up in the air
Though there's no wind up there;
It's clearly not revolving,
Well I declare,
It earns less than it costs to repair.

The Town's Civic Centre turns out to be set
In a sheltered location
With a low elevation;
The redfaced officials now try to pretend
That public awareness was their ultimate end.

I saw a turbine,
Up in the air
Though there's no wind up there;
It's clearly not revolving,
Well I declare,
It earns less than it costs to repair.

A paradox. A most ingenious paradox!

To continue the paradox theme, here's an interesting little vignette from the world of local government. Our heroes are a couple of retired teachers from Holmfirth. In 2007 they were given planning permission by Kirklees Council to build a driveway outside the house where they had lived for 30 years.

Four months later, the Council announced that it was putting a puffin crossing (actually a Pedestrian User-Friendly Intelligent Crossing, but I think the acronym may have been deemed slightly unfortunate and prone to ill-mannered graffiti) right in front of their their house.

Then came the coup de grace. In a novel variation of the time-traveller paradox, the Council issued a stopping-up order denying the Wrays use of their own driveway because it was too close to the crossing.



Part of the problem here is that local authorities act on a timescale which makes continental drift look indecently hasty: it's possible for projects to spend so long in the planning stage that by construction time, everything else has evolved beyond recognition and the original planners have long since retired.

And in any case, we're talking about Kirklees Council. Remember them? Won't let you be cremated in your own clothes? A £10,000 court case for a wind-blown sweet wrapper? Job advertisements in Gobbledegook(though admittedly that hardly narrows it down)? And recently responsible for this wonderfully ironic headline on Food Vision's website:

'Kirklees submit awards for award
Kirklees council has submitted thier [sic] Healthy choices award for a Food Champion award'

There's got to be some sort of metaphor in awards being awarded for awards, presumably ad infinitum (H/T Mark Wadsworth).

Presence, Passion and Panache at Kirklees Council

Kirklees Council - remember them? Won't let you be cremated in your own clothes? A £10,000 court case for a wind-blown sweet wrapper?

Well, if you fancy joining their happy band and a salary of £119,000 appeals, get yourself off to Huddersfield now, where Kirklees council wants a new Director of Organisation Development.

"A new what?" I hear you cry. Apparently this is a newly created position for an "Exceptional professional required to place communities at the heart of our services, a leader with presence, passion and panache."

The post would require 'cross-functional experience' and would involve 'making sure: That the diversity of Kirklees is understood by all in the organisation; is valued as a strength but a strength that challenges us to respond to its complex implications; and is reflected in the career structures within the organisation.'

I hope that's sufficiently clear. Actually, according to the plain English campaign, it isn't. "The advertisement contains many examples of typical Government jargon that is perfect for confusing, hiding and misleading the reader."

The Taxpayers' Alliance goes one better: "This is a classic example of management gobbledegook. It is bad enough that Kirklees is spending so much money in the middle of a recession, but at the very least the job description should make some sense."

But Cliff Stewart, human resources director at the council, doesn't see a problem; "The terms used in the advert will mean a lot to the sort of people who are looking at this."

Says all you need to know, really, doesn't it!