Do you think anyone was pleased to see them?

A little more recycling today (with apologies to Thin Lizzy...)

Guess who just got back today?
Them wild-eyed Blairs that have been away;
Haven't changed, have much to say,
But man, I still think them cats are crazy!

They’ve been asking what’s going down
Asking where all the cameras could be found
Now the election's come around
Driving all the voters crazy.

The Blairs are back in town

You know Cherie that used to smile a lot?
Any sniff of a freebie and she’d be there takin' all you got
And then off for a break on some millionaire's yacht,
I mean she was schemin'.

And all that time Tony was about the place,
‘Cool Britannia’ and that smug grin on Tony’s face;
Man, he made politics a disgrace,
As they said - “Things can only get better”.

Spread the word around
Guess who’s back in town

Every night they'll be dressed to kill
Down at the Ivy or the Ritz grill,
The drink will flow and money will spill
And if the people want to bitch, just let them.

And the satirists in the corner blasting out the same old song;
The Blairs’ll ignore it, so hope it won't be long,
Won't be long till summer comes
And then the Blairs are gone again.

And in other news...

...nah, only joking!

What, you wanted to know about the biggest storm surge since 1953 and the thousands evacuated from their homes? Or the Al-Qaida bombing in the Yemen that killed 52 people including foreign medical personnel? Or even the latest on the Chancellor's Autumn Statement?

Tough! You'll have to wait while the BBC wheel out dozens of carefully-prepared tributes - he's been ailing a  long time - and chat to studio guests who spoke to Nelson Mandela for thirty seconds in 1996. I fully expect Charlie Dimmock to pop up any minute now to discuss his taste in herbaceous borders.

And then you'll have to sit patiently while every major politician on Earth seizes the chance of some reflected glory with some well-chosen words of tribute - naturally Tony Blair has come rushing out of the woodwork to bestow his wisdom upon us - and a host of BBC reporters add their own experiences of reporting on the struggle against Apartheid.

I don't mean to belittle the achievements of the man who managed the seemingly impossible - though there seems to be a certain amount of glossing over some elements of his past ideology and an interestingly laconic treatment of Winnie - and, as Donne said, 'Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind', but why this hagiography to the exclusion of all other news?

He is, after all, no less of a significant historical figure than he was last week or will be a century hence. His death simply provides a convenient hook to which the media can attach everything accumulated to his account in one giant package, at least until the the broadcast tributes themselves become the story.

Which is, presumably, the whole idea.

Update; if you haven't already done so, I urge you to visit Velvet Glove, Iron Fist for a beautifully-curated collection of self-serving tweets on the subject.

Quotes of the day

First, a headline from the BBC, whose staff really ought to be able to proof-read:

Plymouth student talks of

drink-drinking regret

We can all identify with that, I think. And secondly this, from a 'close friend' of Blair on the rumours concerning Wendi Deng:

“I believe Tony. He would never do such a thing and he is not a liar.”

Admittedly it's from the Mail, which is doing its utmost to fan the non-existent flames of conflict. To be honest, it looks as if its staff are letting their collective imagination run away with them.

A sensational note written by Rupert Murdoch’s ex-wife Wendi Deng that reveals she had a ‘crush’ on Tony Blair has been found, it was revealed last night.

The idea that Ms Deng would sit down and write a note to herself expressing 'warm feelings' for Blair and then leave it lying around for staff to find is so preposterous that it could surely originate only in the fevered brain of a Mail journalist, unless, of course, the woman herself has lost all reason.

There. Could. Never. Be. Enough. Popcorn.

Yes. I know we've heard it before, but, mining its usual vein of news-that-isn't-news, the Mail has brought up a story which has a certain fascinating potential:

Relations between Rupert Murdoch and Tony Blair have collapsed over reports of Mr Blair’s friendship with the media mogul’s ex-wife, Wendi Deng.

The paper's anonymous sources claim that Ms Deng and Mr Blair stayed overnight together at several of Murdoch's homes without his knowledge, leaving the Mail to do its best to fan the flames of back-stairs gossip into a full-blown partisan feud.

The protestations of friends and allies provide have a certain piquant interest but - and I suspect it's what the Mail journalists are secretly hoping - these may yet prove to be mere appetisers for the main event.

You see, whether or not his wife believes that he actually strayed - one assumes she knew where he was all the time (though I can't imagine that protestations of innocence carry much weight from the mouth of a consummate politician) - there must surely be a temptation to react with hostility towards any perceived interloper, however slight the incursion.

We know that Mrs Blair is a woman of strong personality and events at the Leveson enquiry suggest that Ms Deng, too, is a force to be reckoned with (and, perhaps relevantly, a newly-single woman who acquired both her husbands through extra-marital affairs).

So far, the principal actors in this drama - unlike their alleged allies - have maintained a dignified silence; should it be broken, this would surely be a conflict of epic proportions - Alien v. Predator on stilts.

And there would, it has to be said, be more than a little entertaining irony in two women, who have, in their separate ways, gained much indirect material benefit from the dubious practices of spin, PR and the media, finding their own private feud laid bare for the masses.

Quote of the day - Dracula Rises from the Tomb

A brilliantly-phrased gem from Caedmon's Cat today describing the recent doings of one Tony Blair, or, as he is known in the Cat's Kingdom of Northumbria, 'Tondvig the Bleurgh':

Eager to exercise his finely-honed skills in mendacity, oratory and sincere guile, he's been travelling over the many waters of the earth, giving lectures to adoring window-lickers, knuckle-draggers, lickspittles and anyone deranged enough to part with several million Holy Groats for the privilege of hearing diatribes of magic-mushroom-fuelled fantasy and folly drip from his amply proportioned chops.

Actually, this one was entirely predictable; even when he was in Downing Street, the fervour with which Blair proclaimed the importance of the role of EU president was a clear indication of his ambitions in that direction.

If he does manage to fasten his teeth into the Presidency and ensure that we are, once again, maintaining him in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed, at least there's the small consolation that he may, once again, inspire others to memorable flights of oratory...

And a bonus quote today: from JuliaM at OoL, on the power of advertising:

I’ve watched quite a lot of advertising this week, but so far I’ve managed to avoid:

a) taking a meerkat to bed,
b) bungee jumping off a bridge with my identical twin,
c) strapping a bulldog into a motorcycle sidecar, or
d) setting up a relationship counselling agency for snowme…err, snowpeople?

So I think we can safely say that normal adults can distinguish between real life and advertising scenarios.

Olympics - so she's the one to blame!

Amid all the excitement and national celebration in the run-up to the Olympics, it seems there is an unsung heroine in our midst:

Cherie Blair was instrumental in securing the 2012 games for London [...] according to her husband, the former Prime Minister.

They just can't leave it alone! Not only have they reappeared just in time for the hospitality - like some ghastly distant relatives turning up at every family shindig on the offchance of some free champagne - they are now happy to assume the dubious distinction of arranging the whole bunfight in the first place.

Blair's re-appearance was bad enough, what with his hiring of a new spin doctor and his reported intention to 'make an impact on the home front'; now he's insisting Cherie gets a share of the Olympic limelight too:

'Strangely my wife played a very big part in this really".

Funny - I thought she was meant to be having a high-profile legal career (when she isn't herding goats for Widows' Day or taking part in cake sales); I shouldn't have thought it left much time for fawning on the members of the IOC.

Blair said that his wife had travelled abroad to speak to some of the less well-known delegates to secure their votes.

"My wife was very, very good at going to different countries and seeing people who were the less significant people."

Well, that, at least, has the ring of truth - she's never been one to turn down a free holiday. Still, it would be interesting to find out what Seb Coe and the rest of the London 2012 bid team think about it.

Meanwhile, I wonder whether Tony's attempt to shoe-horn his wife into the public eye once more is connected with reports that one of their spawn has chucked in his banking job and intends to become a Labour MP (with the backing, presumably, of his parents' not inconsiderable fortune).

The thought of being ruled forever by a Blair-Booth dynasty is almost bad enough to distract one from the horror in store at the end of this week as the host nation attempts to beat the record for the number of toes simultaneously curling across the globe.

As Mary Poppins abseils into the arena to save the word from Voldemort, to the accompaniment of a massed chorus of dancing nurses, firemen and 70 sheep, and the world looks on in stunned disbelief, perhaps we may find it in ourselves to give credit where it's due and remember that we owe it all to Cherie.

The Blairs are back in town

Sometimes these things just write themselves...
(See previous post)

Guess who just got back today?
Them wild-eyed Blairs that have been away;
Haven't changed, have much to say,
But man, I still think them cats are crazy!

They’ve been asking what’s going down
Asking where all the famous could be found
Now the Olympics are in town
Driving all the locals crazy.

The Blairs are back in town

You know Cherie that used to smile a lot?
Any sniff of a freebie and she’d be there takin' all you got
And then off on holiday on some pop star’s yacht,
I mean she was schemin'.

And all that time Tony was about the place,
‘Cool Britannia’ and that grin on Tony’s face;
Man, he made politics a disgrace,
As they said - “Things can only get better”.

Spread the word around
Guess who’s back in town

Every night they'll be dressed to kill
Down at the Ivy or the Ritz grill,
The drink will flow and money will spill
And if the people want to bitch, they’ll just let them.

And the satirists in the corner blasting out the same old song;
The Blairs’ll ignore it, so hope it won't be long,
Won't be long till September comes
And then the Blairs are gone again.

The Blair Rich Project 2

There was always, I suppose, a horrible inevitability about it.

Like a retired circus pony trotting up whenever he hears the music, Blair is back and looking for the sawdust and spangles. The temptation of a global event taking place in London, with all the accompanying razzamatazz and media opportunities was obviously too much.

"The former prime minister “has things to say” and believes the time is right for him to make an impact on the home front after years in political exile.


Mr Blair will appear on a joint platform with Labour leader Ed Miliband in July at an event to celebrate the Olympics."

'Political exile', in this case meaning 'Look, it's not exactly junketing about the world pocketing hefty consultancy fees as an advisor to, well, anyone who's got the cash, really'.

The story has appeared out of nowhere, following Blair's appointment of a new 'director of communications', who, according to the Mail, faces a task of Herculean proportions:

The spin doctor will also attempt to portray Mr Blair's cash schemes - such as charging up to £300,000 for after-dinner speeches - in a more positive light. 

With the news turning up just as Labour were securing vast numbers of local council seats, this unexpected resurgence is more than a little disturbing. Don't start filling out those emigration papers just yet though:

A source close to the former prime minister said pundits had gotten 'overexcited' about a potential return for Labour's most successful post-war leader.

Labour's what? Whatever you may think of the competition, this source gives the impression of being so 'close to the former prime minister' that only his feet are visible.

'News of the appointment of a new director of communications is correct, but that's all there is to it,' the source told Metro.

So what's the real story? I think it has much more to do with the reflected glory of the Olympics than anything else. Blair must be trading heavily on his status as the former British Prime Minister - that kind of thing impresses the sort of people who like to 'open the kimono' and 'channel the ten thousand-foot-view'.

What better, then, than a worldwide glut of media images of Blair - and Cherie - grinning alongside a Miliband or two in front of the Olympic rings? Forget a thousand words; that picture could be worth a fortune to the couple's marketing machine.

After all, why bother with the actual nitty-gritty of politics, complete with all those tiresome, unwashed common people, when you can simply swan around telling everyone what to do? According to the Mail's source;

‘The question is how he re-enters the UK scene without re-entering domestic politics and interfering with the Labour Party. He wants to intervene where he can add value to political debate, but it will be above party politics.'

Sounds alarmingly like the beginnings of a God complex - unless, of course, he's planning on heading for the House of Lords (where he'd doubtless feel right at home alongside the likes of Baroness Uddin). Too bad for him that the Queen has not only recovered from his attempts to upstage and discredit her but gone on to preside over a resurgence of public approval - otherwise I'd suspect him of having his eye on the job.

On the other hand, it's quite typical of the couple that they would not be prepared to miss out on any limelight going, and if you add the possibility of being wined and dined among the great and good in town for the IOC's massive beanfeast - not to mention the chance that Cherie could pop out for a spot of shopping - it was more or less certain that they would turn up at some point.


H/T The Quiet Man, also at Orphans of Liberty