Of all the animals of prey, man is the only sociable one.
Every one of us preys upon his neighbour, and yet we herd together.
The Beggar's Opera: John Gay

Saturday 5 July 2014

"The tide rises, the tide falls, The twilight darkens, the curlew calls..."

I know, I know.... it's been a bit quiet around here recently. Still, however severe the demands of real life and the blogging fatigue, sometimes a news story comes along that is simply too good to let go.

Here at the Tavern, we try to do our bit in chronicling Man's battle against the elements and, in particular, his lack of even the most basic grasp of tidal dynamics so we were naturally most diverted to learn that:
Jedward, the Irish pop group, has been rescued by the Irish Coast Guard after they became trapped by the incoming tide in north Dublin.
For those who managed to escape it thus far, Jedward is a pair of twins - John and Edward (are your toes curling yet?) - gifted with truly astonishing hair and dress sense. It plays the guitar and, arguably, sings and burst onto the music scene some years ago in series 157 of 'Britain's got X-rated Opportunity Knockers' before becoming Ireland's secret weapon to avoid having to host the Eurovision Song Contest again.

A quick trip to Youtube may help to account for the delicious sense of Schadenfreude elicited by this tale of Jedward and its cousin stranded amid the rising waves:
"The boys were getting more and more desperate as the water was coming in. Thank God the Coast Guard sent the helicopter up and it found them trapped on sands near Malahide."
So was Jedward airlifted to safety, plucked from the rising waters in the nick of time? Reader, it was not:
The helicopter crew spotted the stranded Grimes family members and used a floodlight to point out their location to rescuers on the ground.
Skerries coast guard members reached the group on foot shortly after midnight and reunited all three with the rest of their family.
This escapade was, it appears, the result of a late evening stroll along the beach in blissful ignorance not only of the incoming tide but also of the fact that night follows day.
The Irish Coast Guard received a report that the three had become "disoriented in the area due to the falling darkness and unusually fast incoming tide".
Such a startling lack of self-preservation instinct should surely qualify for some kind of award. Still, it all ended happily and, being well-brought up, Jedward had the good grace to thank its rescuers publicly and exhort other Darwin Award hopefuls not to follow in its soggy footsteps.

Sadly for the rescue services, past experience suggests that the appeal is likely to be in vain.

My thanks to those of you who have turned up and rattled the Tavern door during my absence - the bar should be opening for business on a more regular basis for a while so please drop in and join me for a virtual pint.


  1. Couldn't they have pretended that they didn't see them?

  2. But Rightwinggit, imagine their little upturned faces as they clung together in the searchlight and their plaintive mews of desperation...

    It have taken a heart of stone to abandon them to their fate, however much of a service to music it might have been, and rescue crews presumably tend to err towards altruism.

    Thanks, Julia *bows*; praise from the praiseworthy and all that.

  3. Mind boggles. Can't think of an adequate response.

  4. I hope the Irish Coast Guard don't rely too much on charitable donations. An sharp dip in their income may be on the way.

  5. Not like you, JH, to be at a loss for words!

    AKH, I suppose they could always try the tack of 'Send us some cash or Jedward will release a fundraising single...'

    Thanks for your comments, all; it's good to hear from you again.


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