If the thought of going back to work this week is getting you down, spare a thought for this chap:
A security guard has been stabbed in a confrontation with two attackers in an Essex seaside town.
The 27-year-old was stabbed in the stomach on Walton Pier, Walton-on-the-Naze, shortly after 04:30 GMT and taken to Colchester Hospital for treatment.
Police have appealed for help to identify "two attackers" who are described as teenagers.
This was in the early hours of January 1st, when he could have been forgiven for thinking that all the fuss had died down and he could finish his shift in peace.
It's a given that New Year's Eve has become a sort of Walpurgisnacht for the hard of thinking, as the Daily Mail annually delights in informing us in articles helpfully accompanied by abundant photos of scantily-clad revellers of a female persuasion sprawled in the gutter (you don't really need a link to that, do you?).
As a result of the tendency of the inebriated to damage property - or themselves - in various imaginative ways, structures such as piers are carefully monitored at this time of year; what those safeguarding property do not usually expect is a knife in the guts.
The hour and the violent response suggest an attempt at vandalism, arson or theft; there's nothing new about that (though rising scrap metal prices play a part these days), but it is disturbing that, confronted by an unarmed man employed to prevent them achieving their nefarious ends, these teenagers resorted to such an extreme form of retaliation.
However grim tomorrow looks for you - my employers have laid on a staff training day complete with instruction in the use of fire extinguishers - take comfort in the thought that at least it's unlikely to lead to emergency abdominal surgery.
Now Even The Food Section Of The 'Guardian' Is Lost...
7 minutes ago