A Fairytale of New York (and elsewhere)

I thought I’d closed the Tavern doors for good but, as with ‘Expenses - The Musical’, sometimes the Muse strikes and resistance is futile.

(With apologies to fans of the original…)

“It’s for New Year’s, babe, 

Manhattan penthouse flat, 

And Lord Alli said to me,

‘You’ll get it for a song,

You’re doing nothing wrong;

Just put the figures through

Two-fifty a night we’ll say, Ange, just for you.’

Aren’t we the lucky ones?

We’ll never lack for funds

As long as Lord Alli

Is here for me and you,

So here’s to freebies

New York holidays,

The best designers,

He’ll make our dreams come true.

We’ve fine jackets and scarves

When the weather gets cold;

Who cares about WFA for the old?

When we’re papped in the front row

Among VIPs,

We can claim it’s prerogative

Rather than sleaze.”

“It’s our cultural duty!”

“Go see Taylor’s booty,

Take the kids to the footie - the donors will pay.

Give Downing Street passes

In exchange for free glasses

Then cover our arses and go on our way.”

But suddenly the voters know

And say it’s not fair play;

Will they dob each other in to get away?

“You're a leech”

“You're a skunk;

Were you clueless or drunk

That you never once said “All this might be misread”?”

“You scumbag, you maggot,

If you want it you’ll blag it,

Kiss a millionaire’s arse

So he’ll fork out the brass.”

Or, though people hate hypocrisy 

And wish they’d go away,

Will they keep on selling out day after day?