Of all the animals of prey, man is the only sociable one.
Every one of us preys upon his neighbour, and yet we herd together.
The Beggar's Opera: John Gay

Saturday, 4 May 2013

The Sunday Songbook - UKIPpy-ki-yay

This song was somehow inevitable, given the quasi-mythical status that the media seem to be attributing to this larger-than-life character.

With apologies to Stan Ridgway...

I was sitting in my local, feeling rather down;
I’d been drinking on my own since half past five
It was visiting the polling station left me without hope
With the big three parties hanging around outside.
I was looking for the courage to go back and see who'd won
And I sighed as I contemplated Britain’s fate;
Just then a chap in a fedora, with a shocking purple tie
Appeared there at my shoulder and said "Wait."

He offered me a pint and said "Don't worry, son, I'm here;
If Cameron wants to tangle now, he'll have me to dodge"
I said, "Well, thanks a lot!" I told him my name and asked him his
And he said to me "The name’s Nigel Farage".

Oh, no, no, no! says Farage;
The English aren’t as docile as they seem;
Oh, no, no, no! says Farage;
Things are going to change now UKIP’s on the scene.

Well, we talked all night, side by side, while results came rolling in
And I wondered how the drastic shift began
'Cause the council seats for UKIP seemed to spring up everywhere
And I wondered if this was all Farage’s plan.
"They called us clowns and fruitcakes, but UKIP have the last laugh," he said,
"Perhaps the government now understand
That the British may be tolerant but we’ll only take so much
Of the EU wanting to keep the upper hand -
Just let them try..."


And I knew this was somethin' we'd seen in Brussels,
 'Cause I remember how,
He was pullin' a metaphor right outta thin air
And swattin' von Rompuy with it from here to kingdom come.

When the count finally ended, we shook hands and said goodbye
He just winked at me from the door and then was gone,
When I got back to my family I told 'em about my night
And I told them how I’d met Nigel Farage.
When I said his name, the others gulped and then they took my arm
And said to me, “That really can’t be right”,
And they pointed to the television; “There’s Nigel Farage
And he's been right there on News 24 all night
(Feels like he's been there all week long...)"

Well I know I must have imagined it – I’d been drinking like a fish –
Though as hallucinations go, it’s pretty large,
But it’s certain UKIP’s vote share came to 22%
And we’re all going to see much more of Nigel Farage.

(It's been drawn to my attention that iPads and phones don't always display the embedded videos; if you want to hear the tune, follow the 'Stan Ridgway' link to Youtube.)

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