Expenses! - the musical: part 5 - The Tory Homes of England

In the interests of political impartiality...

(In the style of Noel Coward)
The Tory homes of England
How beautiful they stand
Upon an annual subsidy
Of over twenty grand,
Though allowances paid to Tory squires
In opulent houses in the shires
Are inclined to stoke the fires
Of resentment,
And especially at the way
They spend the cash we pay;

We helped John Selwyn Gummer
Eliminate some moles
We paid when Letwin’s tennis court
Developed nasty holes,
And even if cleaning the swimming pool
Is within the letter of the rule
A chap could look a fool
If he claims it all
Thinking the voters will
Happily foot the bill.

The summer house and stables,
The Aga and the moat,
Wisteria on the gables,
It all sticks in the throat;
So now they’re prepared to compromise
And pay their own way
To stay
In the Tory homes of England.