Small-scale crime

Ocean's Eleven it ain't! Thieves have struck at a model village in Great Yarmouth, stealing lead from the roof of a miniature hospital. Looks like the Borrowers have gone into the scrap metal business.

According to the owner, they caused £1,500 worth of damage:

'We have an awful lot of security. We have several CCTV cameras and a nine foot brick wall topped with a five foot barbed wire fence running around the perimeter.

‘It was very well planned, they must have come in as visitors to know the lead was here and to work out where the CCTV is because they seem to have found a blank spot in it.'

If he's right, the thieves must have paid £6.50 a head to case the joint, to say nothing of the petrol to get there; meanwhile the lead they stole - all of nine feet by two - could be expected to fetch about £30 on the black market.

Perhaps Norfolk criminals like to start out small; this might be the equivalent of the nursery slopes, a training ground for very small criminals, or maybe they are simply as thick as the waste of oxygen who stole my prescription sunglasses recently and who's probably out there now trying to look cool and wondering why he keeps bumping into things.

Of course, no piece on the theft of roofing lead would be complete without this from the kings of parody:

Songs from the Dentist's Chair

For the past week, thanks to my recent root canal work, I've had a particular song running through my head. By a sad coincidence we learned yesterday of the death of one of its authors Duke D'Mond (aka Richard Palmer), lead singer of the Barron Knights, kings of British pop parody.

I think it deserves not to be forgotten, if only as a form of distraction from what's going on in your mouth. (At least it stops me thinking of 'Dentist!' from 'Little Shop of Horrors'.)

All together now....

"There's a dentist in Birmingham
He fixed my crown..."

Suggestions for other suitable songs welcome - I have a follow-up appointment next week.